I’m not a professional, so take anything I say with a healthy dose of scepticism!
The main thing that first strikes me is that it looks a bit flat.I’m not getting a sense of the eyes being deeper into the head than the forehead or the nose coming out towards me.
Also, the shading is a bit confusing now I look at it a bit more. Some of your darkest darks are on the left side of the elements, like the fabric or forehead, but the right eye looks to me more in shadow than the left, which kind of makes it contradict itself.
So, in my (in no way expert) opinion, I’d suggest trying to make your shading more consistent. I think for the eyes, it’s a case of trying to remember that the darkest light should still be clearly lighter than the lightest shadow… if that makes sense… try to keep a separation in value between the shadows and lights.
Hope that helps! :/
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